


Where You Belong

by AislinMarue



Series: Destiel - Castiel/Dean Winchester [59]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Season 11, brief mention of suicidal thoughts (past)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 10:12:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5924559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AislinMarue/pseuds/AislinMarue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean knows the truth of why Cas said yes to Lucifer and it hurts more than he ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where You Belong

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having way too much fun with this Lucifer!Cas thing.

Dean was feeling spectacularly shitty about himself. For Dean Winchester, that was saying something since nine times out of ten he had fairly negative feelings about himself to begin with, but lately it was even worse.

Lucifer was walking around in Cas and the reasons why had almost driven Dean to his knees with pain and disbelief. Part of him still didn't want to believe it, but once Dean knew who really was driving around in his angel, Lucifer had been only too happy to tell him exactly why Castiel had granted his permission.

_“He did it for you, Dean. Just like he does everything else.”_

_“He wanted me to stop the Darkness so you wouldn't have to.”_

And the last one… The last one made Dean feel like he'd been stabbed in the chest with an angel blade.

_“He thought he was expendable. That he was useless. So he thought becoming my vessel would get him out of your way and help save you at the same time.”_

Lucifer knew he'd struck gold with that one. It hadn't been his parting shot, however. Just before he'd vanished in Castiel’s body, he'd had one more thing to say.

_“He really does love you so much, you know. If only you loved him back. This could have all been prevented.”_

Then he was gone and Dean’s self hatred had skyrocketed. He and Sam had called in every favor, scoured the internet and spent countless hours trying to track Lucifer down. While they did that, they also tried to formulate a plan on how to get Cas back, but both endeavors hadn't turned anything up.

Dean had turned to alcohol more and more the longer they continued to come up with nothing. He could tell Sam was nearing the point that he was going to say something about it, but Dean didn't care. Lucifer’s words haunted him. When he slept, his dreams were filled with Cas. All the times Cas had needed him and Dean wasn't there. Plus that one phrase he'd never wanted to hear from his angel.

_“I'm afraid I might kill myself.”_

He should have done more. Should have helped Cas when he needed it. He couldn't go back and change the past, though. But he could let it affect how he did things in the future. The first order of business was getting Cas back somehow and telling him in no uncertain terms that he was not expendable or useless.

Then...well, maybe then Dean would grow a pair and finally tell Cas the truth. Maybe he would finally tell him how he felt. That he'd loved him for a long time now. Maybe he would. If he didn't, then Dean knew he'd never forgive himself. Castiel deserved to know.

Dean closed his eyes, head bowed as he sat on the edge of his bed. Then he prayed.

“Cas. I don't know if you can hear me. I hope you can. I'm gonna save you, man. Somehow me and Sam will get you back. Then we're bringing you home. You and I need to talk. But I swear to you, Cas, I'm bringing you home.”

Right where he belonged. 


End file.
